Trapped In The Margins

I’m holding onto a website that I’ve been using since I was 17. I’m in my thirties now. It’s actually crazy to think that I’m so egotistical that I need to stay on an app that does not serve me. It’s broken and trashy. I hate it. I want to give up what no longer serves me and move in a new direction with my life.

Honestly, I’ve sought community and solace on the internet when I didn’t get it in real life. The problem with making the internet your everything is that it’s a dangerous place. I was exposed to the darker parts of the Internet far too young. It informed every part of those crucial developing years and warped me into a know-it-all with a martyr complex.

I’m not proud of the person I was when I started off on the Internet. I lied as we all do about our age but more than that, I tried to fit myself into people’s worlds who I thought were so cool. The truth is that I never really made Internet friends because I was just as aloof online as I am in real life. The friendships that I did make never really left the Internet. The only friendship that left the Internet crashed and burned so hard that I got whiplash.

I failed at being an Internet person. I never gained a massive following or made the friends I desperately needed. Solace has been in short supply. I have never felt more alone than I have on the Internet.