Trapped In The Margins

I wrote a rather ambitious list of twenty six things that I want to accomplish in 2026. Two have already been completed which means that I have twenty four left. Writing on this site is one of my goals for the year and I almost forgot about it. If I’m being honest, my brain is being pulled in too many different directions at the moment. I have career ambitions, personal goals, relationships, familial responsibilities, etc. I feel stretched very thin and most of it is from my own doing. I also have a different list of goals which are separate from the New Years aspirations list. Still, the pressure to complete everything I’ve written out is daunting.

I wish that I didn’t care so much about completing such trivial things but it means more to me than any degree or pay raise I’ve ever earned. These small, inconsequential goals have given me greater joy than I ever imagined. In a way, I’m healing my inner child/teenager by finishing the tasks that they aspired to accomplish. The more that I complete means that I’m not pulling myself in so many different directions anymore. There is a part of me that fears what happens when the lists are complete. I know that I can always make another list but it feels like I will trap myself in a never ending cycle of list making.

Some goals on my list could take decades to finish if I’m being realistic. But I was never much for realism. I’ve always lived halfway between a fantasy world of my creation and the harsh reality of my real life. Ricocheting back and forth between the two has been my specialty for as long as I’ve had conscious thought. But my fantasy and my reality have been clashing lately. It’s been making everything feel incredibly difficult. I hope that I can lock in and finish what I started.

Here’s to hoping for the best but expecting the worst.