life
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Letting you know how I felt was the bravest decision I ever made. I’ll admit you took my breath away. I was one to play by the rules. But rules didn’t matter when I met you. Nothing mattered as long as I had you. Had you. Have you. A love I’ll never let go.
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Running in fear for so long I befriended this illusion It’s deeper than friendship It’s a toxic relationship I’ve pursued it Slept with it Become one with it We are practically inseparable But all things must come to an end I’ve spent so many years in this torrid affair Now I’m opting out.
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I am giving you something precious. It’s something that I can no longer hold on to. It’s my past pain. I give everything painful I held to the universe. It no longer serves me to live with that. I am leaving myself open. For the gift of creation.
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I’m sorry, my dear. There are days when I love you too much. There are nights when I miss you too much. I never wanted anyone to be as close to me as you. Your eyes are the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. Your touch sets my body ablaze. I am yours forever. Forever is
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I’ve been down this road too many times before. It never ends well. Crashing and burning. Those too close become collateral damage. Alcohol doesn’t burn like it used to. Pills don’t have the same effect. Choking on cigarette smoke. Finally something to replace the pain. This damned burden of existence. They say dying is easy.
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I wish that love could save the broken ones. Like me. Like us. There’s nothing to fix. No one to save. It all ends. My strength means nothing. It can’t carry me through this time. Tragedy is too trite a word. To describe the loss of ones so beautiful. So damned. So loved. And yet
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*Note: This post is from exactly one month ago. My dreams have been more memorable since lockdown began in March. Lately, I’ve been having the most vivid dreams. They often start off pleasant then devolve into nightmares. Two nights ago I dreamt that I was on a date with my boyfriend but we were in
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I fill the moments when I’m alone with a man that doesn’t exist. But I swear that he was real by the feeling left on my fingertips. There are no words left There’s nothing left to convey I repeat these broken promises at least twice a day. The anger has receded My tears are good
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I want to peel my skin off So I won’t be reminded of you I want to hide so the world won’t see my shame I want the ground to swallow me whole So I can disappear But none of that can happen I have to look in your eyes every day And not want
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I haven’t written here in a while and I mean truly written how I feel. Maybe this is part of the growing up process. I am no longer as dependent on social media to give me a sense of worth and belonging. I have spent fourteen years on social media trying to “find my tribe”
Trapped In The Margins 